We're guessing many of the Laws of the Motorcycle Mechanic were written in stone while Jason was working on one of his own rides, like the GS500F he used to shake away the winter/work blues in an
earlier installment of Ramblings.
It doesn't require a Ph.D. in science to realize there are various laws that govern all matter in the known universe. Motorcyclists aren't immune to such laws as much as we'd sometimes like to believe. In fact, we are subjected to additional rules that have somehow avoided classification in your children's text books and have yet to appear as case study material for a college thesis. Perhaps I can take a moment to shed some light on the Laws of the Motorcycle Mechanic:
The Law of Cleanliness: Which basically ensures that the moment your hands are completely covered in grease, your nose will begin to itch.
The Law of Antigravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the most inaccessible corner of your workshop. Even more puzzling is the relationship of uniqueness of the said tool to inability to retrieve it.
The Law of Hammers: Intended to provide impact force, in the right hands a hammer is an invaluable tool in putting your company's health insurance policy to the test.
The Law of Fire: That stack of dry twigs and leaves that's been littering your back yard for three years doesn't want to ignite with anything less than a flame thrower and an overturned oil tanker, yet the grease on your work bench seems to go up from the heat from a desk lamp.
We would like to amend the Laws of the Motorcycle Mechanic to include one of our own. The Law of the Tire Change: Which declares that last inner-tube in your possession will be the very one you pinch and destroy while changing a tire.
The Law of Mechanical Indifference: When you try to prove to someone that an engine doesn't work, it will. Unfortunately the opposite effect takes place whenever someone comes to look at one of the bikes I'm trying to part with.
The Law of Matter versus Antimatter: Married motorcyclists need not struggle to grasp this law. There are those of us who think motorcycles matter most. In direct relation is the antimatter within the cushioning of the couch that reveals itself as a stiff neck due to being forced to sleep there.
The Law of Being Alone: The laws of cleanliness and antigravity, as if somehow aware, strike only when you find yourself completely alone.
The Law of the Last Minute: Never convince yourself that the night before a big race is the time to perform maintenance tasks even as minute as an oil change. Doing so triggers a chain of events, not unlike a domino rally, in which the rising sun will find you attempting to build a head gasket out of nail polish.
The Law of the Projectile: Regardless of where you position your bench grinder, inadvertent projectiles will hunt down and explode your cup of coffee with an accuracy which the government spends billions each year to achieve with their homing missiles.
The Law of the EZ-Out: Witness a true mystery of science as this tool snaps like a pretzel becoming hopelessly wedged in the bolt hole only to instantly stiffen up like a diamond when you attempt to drill it out.
Ah, tools. How can something so useful transform into the most aggravating object in the world during certain moments of frustration?
The Law of the Torx Bolt: Only after you've unsuccessfully tried every Allen wrench in your tool box will it dawn on you to try a Torx wrench. Then it will turn out to be the only size you don't have.
The Law of Neighbors: Not only will they have failed to return that Torx wrench they borrowed last spring, but they'll be mysteriously out of town the very day you realize it.
The Law of the Procrastinator: Be wary of motorcycle journalists who hammer out columns at 3am on the day of a deadline, as they tend to possess an uncanny ability to ramble aimlessly.
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