Our rambling man imparts Adventure-Touring wisdom with valuable tips such as: Don't read a map while riding your KTM Adventure on the freeway with a tractor-trailer breathing down your neck.
With talk of Adventure Touring in the air, no doubt thanks in part to the classy review efforts of my cohorts here at MCUSA, I have decided to add my own two cents to the knowledge pool (hence lowering the overall IQ of the pool's members). The way I figure it, there are few who rival my experience in well planned tours that have failed shortly after departure. It is only fair that I pass along that which I have learned so that you, the reader, can benefit from the mistakes of others (life is too short to make them all yourself). In random order, here are the fruits of my frustrating labor:
Remember to pack tools. Mechanical failure is a risk every rider faces, and without the proper tools it will be impossible to round off bolts, accidentally slice your brake lines, smash your finger, or to spend your day crawling around after dropping them into the weeds. Regardless of which tools you do bring along, you will find the one you really need left at home in your tool box.
Pack lots of food. Life on the tarmac and out on the trails can be a hunger-inducing affair and, often, miles of travel between restaurants. A wise adventure tourer keeps a handy supply of easily accessed snacks on-board. A word to the wise however, is to avoid trail mix, which, regardless of how well secured, will manage to spill out of it's baggie and work it's way into your shorts. Also be weary of Twinkies, which somehow manage to taste completely different once they are flattened like a pancake.
Map your route carefully. It turns out unfolding a map while operating the controls of a KTM Adventure with 50 mph wind and a tractor-trailer dangerously close to your rear fender doesn't fall under the jurisdiction of "safe." Even worse is attempting to refold the map (a task that invokes endless frustration, even when performed at the comfort of your kitchen table).
Out on the road tools are essential. Just bring along the right ones, and know how to use them.
Wear a watch. It's funny how important the issue of time will suddenly become when you do not have access to a watch. It's almost like becoming thirsty the moment there is nothing to drink or having to use the facility the moment you get on the highway, which brings us to our next entrant.
Bring T.P. Regardless of what you learned watching Monty Python, there is nothing glamorous about an emergency road stop with nothing but a leaf to get the job done. Not unlike the dessert, touring in New York (where summer is a fleeting moment to 9 months of winter), even good leaves are hard to come by.
Whenever possible, make lodging arrangements ahead of time. Stiff-legged hobbling in a neon yellow Gortex rain-suit with a steamed up visor is not only effective in activating most "No Vacancy" signs, but it also a good way to get shot at as you travel closer to New Mexico.
Regardless of the temperature when you set forth, bring clothes for extreme conditions. Mother Nature will bear down upon you like Poseidon did to poor Odysseus in "The Odyssey." Freezing rain in the morning will become blistering heat by afternoon, and dinner will find flakes of snow swirling in front of your headlights. By nightfall, you will wish all that remained to make it home safely was to conquer Troy.
When it comes to weather you have to expect the unexpected. Who would have guessed we would get drenched by a hail storm and snow on our Adventure-Touring Comparo to the Grand Canyon?
Never use a tour as an excuse to break in new riding gear. The secret to success is comfort, even in the smallest units of measurements. New riding boots, helmets, and gloves are just the type of blister inducing discomfort that can result in temporary madness and, in some severe cases, the discarding of expensive gear to the roadside. Side note: It is, however, beneficial to follow such riders with a pick-up truck and a good eye for bargains.
And the list continues to include everything from carrying spare fuel to bringing along a passenger just so you have somebody to cuss at when you do get lost.
I would like to tell you that I've worked hard assembling these pointers, when in reality they are simply the result of years of failed expectations and bus rides back to civilization. I suppose it's never really a mistake if you learn from it, but I can't help but wonder if there is such a thing as too much knowledge.
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