Avid students of MCUSA’s year ending awards will have noticed that our Matchless G.50 did not win the “Bike of the Year Award”. In fact, by any logical and reasonable assessment the G.50 should have taken the top spot on the podium since it managed to achieve the rather impressive feat of carrying a fat, bald, old wrinkly to more minor race successes than could be reasonably, or unreasonably, be expected.

However, 2009 was the end of an era for the G.50 and so I did not even make an entry for the judging. The reason for the G.50’s absence, and it is with some sadness that I write these words, is because this Grand Prix thoroughbred’s exhaust now emits about the same sound as an asthmatic hair dryer.

Gone forever is the wonderful braaaahh, braaaahh, braaaahh of a G.50 waiting to go out on the track to be replaced by, well in truth, almost nothing so heavily is the bike now silenced. In fact, this state of affairs is doubly sad because running completely unsilenced the G.50 produces only a pleasant sea-lion-esque barking which carries no distance and, to all reasonable members of society, causes no offence. If you want to judge for yourself, click on the Thundersprint (www.thundersprint.com) website with your computer’s sound turned on and there you can hear a G.50 in all its mellow fruitfulness enriching the home page.

However, even the G.50’s dulcet tones offended some sections of the community so we silenced our classic bikes so that the poor things merely woofleld in the style of an ancient Labrador retriever greeting its owner. Now, even this heavily muted growling has been condemned as anti-social, and a threat to the future of society as we know it, so for 2010 noise levels will have to be roughly equivalent to that emitted by a lawnmower - preferably one parked in the back of one’s garage with the engine stopped.

The noise restrictions are absolutely not the fault of the circuit owners and I personally support their militant enforcement of the environmental regulations. There is only one game in town and you either play by the rules - or don’t play. Classic racers have two stark choices: get our bikes down to domestic appliance noise levels - or don’t ride. There is no third way. So, a silencer about the size of the apartment I shared as a student now lives on the end of the G.50’s header pipe. Will this enable us to race in 2010? Absolutely definitely. Will even these miniscule noise levels satisfy the anti motorsport community in the future? I honestly doubt it.

It’s not only Britain which is suffering with the “Ban all Motorsport” mania. The wonderful Spa Francorchamps circuit, home to the Belgian round of the Formula 1 car championship and many glorious biking events, was actually closed for a short time last year. This came about because a wealthy Belgian apparatchik had moved into the rural area where Spa is situated and took exception to the noise emanating from the track. Being rich, and well connected, he got a Belgian judge to issue an order preventing the track from being used for any two-, or four-wheeled activity.

Closing Spa would have resulted in utter devastation for the area. The town of Francorchamps has two significant employers. One is the regional hospital and the other the track - and the infrastructure it supports. Hotels, restaurants, garages, schools and the whole economic labyrinth which feeds from the participants and spectators who attend the races and track days at Spa were all heading for bankruptcy - and their employees, and their kids, for the soup kitchens. Take out the track and there would have been mass unemployment and tremendous suffering throughout the region. Did the bureaucratic fat cat who tried to close the track care? No, he just wanted his artificial tranquility.

So, in this first STM of 2010 I would like to launch a world wide campaign for good manners and tolerance. If you want to worship Jesus, Mohammed or your MV Agusta F4 then politicians should leave you alone to do so. Invading other people’s countries is bad manners, and bombing foreign towns and villages on the fatuous pretext of bringing peace ought to be banned in 2010. Absolutely do not try to impose your beliefs on me and I will smile benignly at whatever spiritual path you wish.

Looking down the fairing of your tricked out R1 at someone riding a chopper is not acceptable - no more than is sneering at a Japanese superbike from the saddle of your V-Twin cruiser. Dirt bikes are just as good as scooters, and long-distance riders no more, or less, a full part of the motorcycling community than the classic enthusiast who only rides 300 miles a year.

Hold the door open for the customer after you in the gas station and if the lady behind you has only two items to go through the supermarket check out, and you have a half a ton of food for the barbie, stand aside and smile as she goes on her way. Let the bike world lead the way in terms of good manners and gracious behavior.

And if you hear a G.50 muffled into oblivion, demand that it be heard in all its glory for truly the crackle of G.50 is the call to the path of righteousness and happiness.